The first session was entitled 'The presence of the future' and it was mainly about dreams that God gives us. Joseph of course had some famous dreams that he got into trouble for, because he boasted about them, but they were dreams from God and accurately predicted future events in his life. We were challenged to think about our own dreams, and were then given a practical exercise - to write or draw about them and think of some steps we could take towards them. I found this extremely hard, as did most people on my table, perhaps partly because it was the first evening and we had really only just arrived and hadn't quite got our brains in gear! But also, and more significantly, I think we often learn to ignore or even bury our dreams, looking on them as silly fantasies that bear no relationship to real life, rather than as God-given and possibly pointing us in the direction he wants us to take. I think once you've entered the 'real world' of work and so on, there seems little choice than to continue in the path you have started on, whether or not it is really what you dreamed of. I suppose I've taken this year out and come to Kenya partly to get off the treadmill, and to think about where I should go next, but it is a gradual process and at the moment I don't have any definite answers. I know the picture I used to have of my future hasn't worked out and doesn't look likely to, and I am starting to realise perhaps it was not from God and was more of an assumption I'd made. I know I love teaching but not the way it is in the UK at the moment, and I know I have a particular heart for children who are needy in some way, whether that is because of disability, poverty, lack of family or something else. I am keen to use play to help children learn in a fun way, and I feel strongly about helping each child to develop as a whole person, addressing his/her social and emotional needs not just intellectual. I also know I love to be outdoors and to encourage children to be outdoors getting hands-on and dirty! And I have been drawn to Africa for a long time and feel largely at home here (despite the frustrations along the way). But I have no idea how these different things could link together into a coherent 'dream' or vision for my future. And whenever I think about things like this a voice says "But these are for other people, people who are stronger/ braver/ more outgoing/ more talented/ better Christians than you" - and that's hard to get past in the first place.
Some of the other things that particularly spoke to me at the retreat need more thought before I can be coherent about them. Broadly speaking, another big point that came out was the barriers that there are along our journey, that hold us back from taking the next steps. Pastor Doug referred to these as 'equators'; several of his pictures linked in to explorers of the past, including those who were brave enough to cross the equator for the first time, even though people thought there was nothing there or they would fall off the edge of the world! The equator was a huge barrier for a long time, but once it had been crossed they made new discoveries. Joseph had several barriers in his journey, not least the betrayal of family and friends and his long imprisonment. Lots of things can be 'equators' in our lives, such as our own or even society's long-held beliefs that are hard to get past. I know this is true in my own life.
The last thing that I want to share was the most exciting for me really, and also the most personal. We had a session where we talked about 'home' - which included an enlightening theory about integration into a new culture which was pretty relevant to me! The practical part of that session involved us building 'home' out of various crafty materials - not our table's strong point - but it was nice seeing what others had come up with. We thought about different words that defined home for us and the one that kept coming out for me was 'acceptance'. Anyway, after that we had a sort-of directed prayer session where a lady who does coaching (a little bit like counselling but different) led us in a time of prayer/meditation and listening to God. She encouraged us to 'build' a little prayer home that we can take with us wherever we go. We physically stepped 'into' it and 'out' of it several times and each time she asked us to focus on the word that had stood out for us and ask God for a picture or words/verses about it. My word was acceptance and I had a really strong sense of God's presence in my 'prayer home'. My picture was that he placed his hands on my head and told me that I was his precious child. There were other words and impressions but it's hard to express them, it was more of an overall feeling. Anyway it was exciting to me because I've never really had anything like that happen before and it was what I needed to hear at the time. No doubt I will need to hear it again and again before it really sinks in but we were told to pack up our 'prayer homes' and put them somewhere safe about our person, because we can take them out anywhere and God will meet with us.
Well I feel I've written more than enough for one post now. I will finish with a quotation from the weekend that also stood out to me, and some pictures from our nature walk early on the Saturday morning.
'The safest place for ships is in the harbour, but that's not why ships were built.' (Anonymous)
No comments:
Post a Comment